The Second Greatest Commandment
Loving your neighbour is not easy, but I believe it is worth pursuing.
“’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:37-40 (NIV)
I started regularly attending church services just over a year ago (December 2024). This might surprise long-time readers due to some of my past rhetoric about religion and faith (generally drawing parallels with transgenderism as a faith-based belief). It certainly surprised me. The choice came out of a desperate need for community and for meaning. It ended up being a good choice that has only affected my life positively.
One of my defining personality traits, for better or for worse, is tenacity. I can be dedicated, loyal, and reliable. I can also be stubborn, inflexible, and headstrong. I might, to my benefit, stick with something long after everyone else has given up. I also might, to my detriment, hold onto something long past the appropriate time to let it go.
It would never be enough to simply go to church on Sunday and forget all about the message on the other days of the week. If I have convictions, I will be fully committed. Half measures will not do. If I’m going to wear a cross around my neck or put a Bible verse in my bio, then I have to hold myself to the same standard God would hold me to. I cannot call myself a follower of Christ if I am not trying to emulate Christ as best I can at all times.
Now, I’m not so naïve as to think every person who claims to be Christian is actively pursuing that same kind of integrity in their faith. There is no shortage of people proclaiming Christ as king with one breath and speaking hateful words with another. But to be frank, I didn’t expect to be so annoyed by the hypocrisy. It feels a lot like my days as a social justice warrior: people manage to get away with obscene, cruel, and unjust behaviour as long as they claim to be doing it for righteous reasons.
Releasing my frustrations about it has been a challenge, but at the end of the day, of course, the Word itself would not categorize these people as Christians.
Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.
1 John 2:4-6 (NIV)
There is a second frustration, though, which is that people like to argue about the parameters around loving your neighbour. This particularly goes for non-Christians, ever fond of claiming “there’s no hate like Christian love” when a Christian doesn’t wholeheartedly affirm their worldview. Scripture directly answers the questions, though, of both who your neighbour is and what it means to love.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
The passage in Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians is regularly read at weddings, but it was not intended as a description of romantic love between a committed couple. It was rather a lecture to the Corinthians about how to demonstrate the sacrificial love of Christ in their actions, particularly towards each other.
Let me just go through it quickly.
“Love is patient” (or: “Love suffers long”)
Loving means waiting and enduring. It means tolerating them when they are annoying or hurtful or otherwise difficult, without returning that behaviour in kind. It means setting aside inconsequential disagreements with them.
“Love is kind.”
Loving means showing mercy. It means being helpful to them. It means offering them support and encouragement. It means caring about their well-being.
“[Love] does not envy.”
Loving does not mean being resentful of the blessings bestowed upon others. It does not mean coveting their success or their possessions.
“[Love] does not boast, it is not proud.”
Loving does not mean pursuing glory for doing the right thing. It does not mean seeking status and praise. Loving does not mean acting superior to others. It does not mean arrogance and big-headedness and self-promotion.
“[Love] does not dishonour others.”
Loving does not mean being ill-mannered. It does not mean acting indecently. It does not mean disrespecting the dignity of others. It does not mean being inconsiderate.
“[Love] is not self-seeking.”
Loving does not mean putting one’s own interests before the interests of others. It does not mean being selfish and chasing one’s own satisfaction to the exclusion of all else.
“[Love] is not easily angered.”
Loving does not mean being irritable. It does not mean becoming provoked by the behaviour and words of others.
“[Love] keeps no record of wrongs.” (or: “[Love] thinks no evil.”)
Loving means letting go of the past and not counting up harms like a scoreboard. It means assuming good faith from others rather than vilifying them. It means practicing forgiveness and releasing grudges held.
“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
Loving does not mean rejoicing in immorality. It does not mean taking pleasure in the suffering of others. It instead means embracing honesty and integrity and celebrating what is real and true.
“[Love] always protects.” (or: “[Love] bears all things.”)
Loving means guarding the reputations of each other. It means speaking about others respectfully, not gossipmongering or insulting. It means being understanding with others’ flaws.
“[Love] always trusts.” (or: “[Love] believes all things.)
Loving means giving each other the benefit of the doubt. It means assuming good intentions and anticipating that people will be truthful with us. It means not being suspicious or overly critical.
“[Love] always hopes.”
Loving means expecting positive results in all situations. It means not being cynical about others but having faith that the future will bring something better. It means desiring the best for them.
“[Love] always perseveres.”
Loving means persisting through all things, even through dark moments. It means remaining true even when things start to become difficult. It means never giving up.
“Love never fails.”
Loving is unconditional and eternal. It is the most important action we can take.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:8 (NIV)
The Apostle Paul names nine characteristics he calls the “fruit of the Spirit” – the qualities exemplified by a Christian who has allowed themselves to be transformed by Christ which are seen as evidence of living in the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Really, though, all of those characteristics branch from love – the definition in 1 Corinthians that I’ve just gone through essentially includes all nine traits.
I think it’s worth pointing out that, in this modern day with all of the nuances of living, we could potentially misinterpret that definition as being self-sacrificial to the point of self-harm. Paul tells us that “love believes all things,” but that doesn’t mean it’s unloving to be cautious around someone who has repeatedly been untrustworthy. Love “keeps no record of wrongs,” but that doesn’t mean people who have broken the law should not face any consequences. Love “always perseveres,” but that doesn’t mean we cannot draw boundaries between ourselves and the people who harm us.
1 Corinthians provides direction specifically to believers in how they treat each other, so the love they are being advised on is expected to be reciprocal. Given that context, it may be more understandable to direct a person to, for example, give the benefit of the doubt to someone whose moral code obliges them to return the benefit of the doubt.
That said, I think it would be a false reading to think Christians are called only to love other believers. In fact, we are directly called to love our enemies.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
Matthew 5:43-48 (NIV)
In Paul’s letter to the Romans, he advises to “hate what is evil,” but we are in no way being called to hate people. Later in the same chapter, he writes:
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Romans 9:17-19 (NIV)
So why am I writing this?
Well, I’ve been trying to disconnect from advocacy for a long time. I’ve been telling people that I’m retired for at least a couple of years, but I have had difficulty separating myself entirely, particularly from Twitter. Over the last year, though, I have started to feel more convicted about staying away. Opening Twitter feels like a transgression… a kind of guilt arises and a thought that I shouldn’t be here.
I spoke to a friend about this who said he feels the same and that Twitter is practically designed to find and exploit people’s vices. It’s full of calumny and detraction. It encourages gossip. Even just logging in tempts us into sin and draws others into sin, as well. No wonder I feel bad upon login.
I know it is possible to use Twitter – and all forms of social media – to do good, but even among those of us fighting the good fight on the “gender” front, there is so much behaviour from people that I can no longer tolerate: jumping to conclusions that assume the worst of others, non-consensually posting pictures of others’ bodies, crashing out over not receiving accolades they think they deserve, running smear campaigns on misinterpreted tweets, publicly disclosing private information to ruin reputations, obsessively digging into people’s histories for “dirt”, making unfair sweeping statements about people who’ve medicalized or their motivations, tribalistic vilifying of people who dare to disagree on certain topics… the list goes on.
None of this is new. It’s been going on since I joined Twitter five years ago. And I’ve certainly participated in it. I can easily go back through my articles on this blog and find examples of my having been extremely uncharitable.
But I’ve come to the conclusion that “healing” does not just mean moving on from my pain or becoming a truth-teller. Healing means it is well with my soul. It means getting right with God.
Healing is spiritual as much as it is mental and physical. It means I am peaceful and joyful. It means I am patient and kind. It means I am faithful and gentle. It means I practice goodness and self-control. And it means I surround myself with people who want to nurture those qualities in themselves as well.
Those people will never be found on Twitter. That’s not an irreconcilable fault with the people; it’s an irreconcilable fault with the algorithm rewarding outrage, slander, and humiliation.
I believe we can do better. Genuine love is worth the pursuit.
Some commentaries I consulted while interpreting 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:
- https://www.bibleref.com/1-Corinthians/13/1-Corinthians-chapter-13.html
- https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/1-corinthians-13/
- https://anchorofhopeministry.com/7-characteristics-of-christlike-love/