I can't stop her
I usually don’t interact with people who are dead set on transition anymore. I found out early on that it can feel very triggering, which means I often end up being useless. Lately I’ve interacted with a few people trying to justify surgery, and I’ve found myself almost going into a panic.
Sometimes I get an image.
I see my younger self—pre-transition
She’s already walking away from me
My hands are reaching out
I am desperate desperate desperate to get her back
But I can’t touch her
I start screaming
I scream and I scream
I’m crying
I’m hyperventilating
My chest is heaving
I can’t stop screaming
I can’t stop her
She’s not listening to me
She’s already convinced she’s got the answer